Stories (1)

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I always felt lost, half of something else. Never being satisfied or whole. I was 40 years old when my Mother finally told me that I was a twin. She lost him or her before our birth. Even though I know this fact now it still doesn't make me feel whole. I still feel incomplete.

I've always somehow known I was a twin. From matching games and finding pairs for everything when I was younger, to trying to find that perfect friend, and feeling isolated even when I was around a lot of people. I've always felt that someone was missing from my life, and it was frustrating that I could never find the reason behind those feelings. For a long time I thought it was because of my father's death when I was little, but I felt like I was just trying to force that piece into the wrong place on the puzzle, making it fit somewhere it didn't belong. It wasn't until a year and a half ago when I was doing research online, that I found out about womb twin survivors. I was interested immediately, and after doing even more research, I finally had a sense that this was that lost puzzle piece I couldn't find before. Everything clicked and I found out the reason I felt so different and like no one understood me. It was because no one did. Not the way my twin could have anyway. Although I wish my twin were here with me every single day, and I'll always have a sense of being alone, I wouldn't trade my twinship for the world. It's special no matter what, and nothing, not even death, can take that away from me.

I have always been fascinated with twins and wished I was a twin. I am a only child, my mother miscarried three pregnancies, one before me the rest after, the final of which was confirmed triplets. She told me when I was older that she thought she was losing me because she began bleeding sometime during the first trimester, she went to the doctor and I was still there. I did some research and discovered information on vanishing twin and womb twin, I feel like that must be me, I always wanted a twin, (still do) and wished for siblings, particularly a big brother.

I always felt as if I was missing something, I was always looking for this intimacy. When my marriage broke up I started along my spiritual path, which led me to meditation and a lovely medium who facilitates the meditation. My grandad and a little boy arrived for me one night and that is how I found out that I had lost my twin in the womb. That is the shortened version. On that night I didn't know the full story. He has been with me for my 52 years helping me and I didn't know it till now. Lovely.

I found out an early age that I had a twin when my mother was pregnant with me. She lost the twin around three months into her pregnancy. My entire life has been a hang-up on finding my soulmate. I feel my life won't even start until I find this person. However, I never do and I always have a sense of incompleteness about my life. I always feel as if I'm waiting for something to happen, and it never does. I very much feel like something is missing.

I have a brother with special needs and one sister. I am the youngest. My mother struggled to raise the three of us and her first born - a girl died at birth, so there was a huge amount of pain in my mothers life. I ended a 19 year relationship with a wonderful man recently, he wanted children and I somehow feel this is an impossibility for me . I have always felt incomplete or that there was something missing. I now find myself searching for answers as to why I cannot function like other people.

I just found out that I was a twin. Apparently, I had a brother who died within days, possibly within hours of our birth. Somehow this is very shocking, but at the same time I almost feel vindicated. My sister thought I knew. My mother never told me. Still, I remember being told by my mother that I had a fantastic imagination when I would "make up stories" about having a brother (I have four living sisters). I also remember having a very special imaginary friend (about age three). I would cry hysterically when I thought we were leaving him behind somewhere.

My mum told me from a young age I was a twin and my cousin was born at the same time as me and we were raised like twins and looked extremely similar.  People always thoguht we were twins.  I'm bipolar, a former heroin addict, had an acute fear of the dark growing up and -like my mother- find eating hard.  I'm very empathetic, I'm dyslexic.  People accuse me of being "psychic", but i'm a non-believer, personally. I hate sleeping alone and barely sleep, having been diagnosed with sleep disorders since infancy.

I am 21 and have always felt incomplete. I have bouts of severe depression and need something, someone there that does not exist. I recently asked my mother about the times around my birth, she confessed she been forced to abort and realised she was pregnant soon after. I asked her for some reason if there was any chance I may have been a twin. She turned pale and asked me why do you say that? She had thought this too, but had given up the notion. I wonder if in fact I had a womb twin that was killed and I survived somehow. I suppose I will never know. Nor will I find the person and the comfort I have searched for all my life.